that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
