Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
