nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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