dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
