Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
