did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
