Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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