I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
