Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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