Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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