sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
