if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
