YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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