Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
