Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
