Dude my mom stole all your condoms
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
