That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
