friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Sorry about my life...
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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