did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
