Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
