no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
