if i died would you start the facebook group?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
