I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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