I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
