i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
