I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
