His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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