The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
