is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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