Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
