Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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