there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
