I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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