it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
