just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
