don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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