He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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