remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
