I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
