It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
