Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
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