I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
