ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
