Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I love having hate sex.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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