i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
