I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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