im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
