I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
