Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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