Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Randomize
