Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
