dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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