i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
