Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
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