STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize