Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
