Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
