she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
