How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
