she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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