just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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