Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
