I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I know her cup size but not her name....
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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