Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
