Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
