I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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