lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
