Nicole vs. Life
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize