Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
