Kiss
Puke
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
