you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
She swung at the pinata with crutches
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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