My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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