Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I just made out with a guy for $7.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
