today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize