im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
