He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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