dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
