not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
