butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
he fucked my hip out of place.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
