Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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