Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
